


Because of Me

by Perfect_Insanity



Category: The Walking Dead
Genre: F/M, Negan - Freeform, Rick Grimes fanfiction, rick grimes - Freeform, the walking dead - Freeform, the walking dead fanfiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-05-28 04:32:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15040793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Perfect_Insanity/pseuds/Perfect_Insanity
Summary: Hello love, i was wondering if i could get a rick imagine where (around the time where they r confronted by Negan when escorting Maggie) & his gf y/n is in the line up & Rick is at 1 end of the line & she's at the other. Negan does the ini mini miney mo etc & lands on her, and he says like you can cry you can breath but some how she gets out of it alive & and Glenn gets killed instead but y/n blames herself and won't talk to anyone and has a scar





	Because of Me

Sometimes it’s hard to tell what hurts more, losing someone or loving someone. That’s probably why some people tried to make it alone in the new world. Of course, you have a better chance of surviving if you have a group of people around you that you trust with your life. And when you lose someone, your heart tries to heal itself but your mind keeps telling you that you could’ve done more to save them. There’s always the question of what if nowadays. You can’t escape it and you can’t ignore it.

 

            You were a complete mystery to Rick Grimes when you first met. There was the way you always handled yourself with such an unsettling calmness and the scar that went from your eyebrow to just below your cheek bone that you would never explain the origin of. But he enjoyed this past year of figuring you out. He enjoyed being with you even if the two of you were just sitting there in silence. And you let yourself be vulnerable with him and after living in a world where you could never trust anyone, it was nice to have someone at your side again to comfort you.

 

            And Rick truly was amazing. You couldn’t even think of a better companion. You’d lost faith after the world went to shit. Some friends and family died, others lost their minds and turned against you. At that point you kept your guard up but Rick Grimes wasn’t one to accept that. He eventually broke you down and now you were in love with the fool. But you didn’t try to fight it as you’d done in the past with other groups. You knew that no matter what, Rick would be there.

 

            So how did you end up here? All you were trying to do was get Maggie to the Hilltop as there was a complication with her pregnancy. She was pale, running a fever and could barely stand up. How did it come to this? It started with a mission to save Maggie’s life and it ended with everyone in the group lined up in the middle of the woods, darkness surrounding them except for the faint orange light coming from the RV. In a sense, you had it coming. You’d killed members of this group that now had you trapped countless times. Blown up, shot, stabbed, it became brutal. And now you were paying for it. Daryl was one who had already paid for it with the bullet wound that was still bleeding, leaving him pale and gaunt while some blonde guy with a burnt face had his crossbow and his jacket.

 

            Rick was at one end of the lineup and you were at the other end between Glenn and Rosita. You leaned forward, hoping Rick would look back at you but he was lost in his thoughts, his blue eyes wide in terror. His curls hung in front of his face, drops of sweat falling from the ends and rolling down his temple. He was shaking and staring at the ground, defeated and terrified. You’d never seen him look so small. You were tempted to call out to him but the door of the RV opened and stopped you. The man that stepped out of the RV was tall, his broad shoulders and large torso covered by a black leather jacket and a red scarf. His dark hair was slicked back and his lips were curled in a menacing grin. He had a wooden bat rested over his shoulder and he swung it in front of him, revealing barbed wire wrapped around it. He scanned over each person’s face, becoming more and more amused.

 

            “We pissin’ our pants yet?” he chuckled. He introduced himself as Negan and introduced the baseball bat as Lucille. This was the famous Negan the people at Hilltop had been so afraid of. You were starting to see how they could fear him as you could only imagine what that baseball was used for. He paced back and forth, swinging his bat around just inches from everyone’s faces, “From now on, you all work for me. Still, can’t exactly let you off for killing my people. But…who? Who, who, who?”

 

            The tension was so thick in the air, it was hard to breathe. Negan scratched his head and then held up his bat, “Ah, I got an idea. The perfect way to decide.”

 

            Negan’s smile spread wider as he pointed his bat at Rick, “Eeny.”

 

            Everyone gasped in unison as Negan started playing “eeny meeny miney moe” like they were children on the playground, like this was some kind of game. He was going to kill one of you tonight and he was treating it like it was a joke.

 

            “And…you…are…” Negan stopped and exhaled heavily as he pointed the bat right at you, “It.”

 

            “No!” Rick shouted, leaning forward on his hands, “Not her! Not her!”

 

            “Oh, this your girlfriend or somethin’?” Negan said with a chuckle, “Well, that’s just a damn shame, ain’t it? But hey, you can scream, you can cry. But make one move, your boy gets his other eye pulled out and feed it to you.”

 

            Enough was enough. Whether Negan was playing with you or he was seriously going to bash your brains in, you were done being afraid. You spoke quietly at first, “Fuck you.”

 

            Negan turned back to you, “Hm? What was that, darlin’?”

 

            You looked up and raised your voice as you gradually got up onto your feet, “I said fuck you!”

 

            With that, you shoved Negan away from you and you were immediately tackled to the ground by his boys. Rick crawled a few inches towards you but stopped immediately when Negan shot him a dirty look and wiggled his finger disapprovingly.

 

            “I said don’t move,” Negan snapped. As Negan’s boys pulled you up off the ground, one of them grabbed you by your hair and yanked your head back so your eye contact with Negan was forced. He squatted in front of you, staring at the scar going down the side of your face and he traced it with is finger, “What a looker. You always get yourself into trouble?”

 

            You slapped his hand away, “Fuck off.”

 

            Negan started laughing and patted your cheek, “I like you! Not afraid to let out a little attitude. Still, can’t let you get away with that kinda shit. You know what I mean?”

 

            “You were gonna kill me anyway,” you retorted, “Might as well.”

 

            “Hm…nah, I don’t think I will,” he said, “But a little reminder is in order I think.”

 

            Negan snapped his fingers and without warning, a cold blade pressed into your skin, right on top of your scar and you let out a blood curdling scream as blood flowed from the wound, running down your neck, soaking your white shirt and turning it bright red. Rick twitched but forced himself to stay where he was despite his need to run to your side. Seeing you in pain tore his heart in two and he burst into tears watching you weep and writhe in agony, pressing your hand against the fresh wound as blood seeped between your fingers and running down your wrist.

 

            “Now, just so the message really sinks in,” Negan continued and he turned to your left, lifting the bat over his head and slamming it down on Glenn’s head. Glenn fell forward as his blood trickled down onto the ground. Negan’s men had turned you around so you couldn’t miss what Negan was going to do to your friend.

 

            “Glenn!” you screamed, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”

 

            He stumbled back up, one eye bugging out of his head as his scalp was torn up, blood streaking his face, dripping down off his chin like a leaky faucet. Maggie, completely mortified was sobbing uncontrollably.

 

            “Maggie,” he gurgled, “I…I will find you.”

 

            “I’m so sorry,” you repeated in a whisper as Negan struck again and he relentlessly beat Glenn’s head into the dirt until he stopped moving completely except for his twitching hand. Negan turned to the rest of the group, a piece of Glenn’s flesh stuck to the barbed wire wrapped around the baseball bat.

 

            “Lucille’s thirsty!” Negan exclaimed, throwing his head back, “Now, I hope you’ve all learned a lesson here tonight. I’ll be back in a week. And don’t forget, you work for me, half your shit is mine.”

 

            Maggie continued on to Hilltop on her own while the rest of you headed back to take Glenn home for a proper burial and to take care of your wound that would definitely need stitches and would most likely leave a scar much worse than the last.

 

            Rick was hesitant to break the silence that had gone since Negan and his guys left them alone. But he still wanted to make sure you were alright. He sat down next to you, pulling away the rag you had pressed against your face.

 

            “You doing okay?” he asked cautiously.

 

            “Fine,” you replied curtly.

 

            “Y/N, listen,” Rick said, “I-I know you think this is your fault.”

 

            “If I hadn’t done anything or said anything, Glenn would be alive,” you muttered, “I should’ve just let Negan kill me. It should’ve been me, Rick.”

 

            “It shouldn’t have been anyone,” Rick said, “No one blames you for what happened, Y/N.”

 

            You scoffed, “Yeah they do. You’re all too nice to say it but you do.”

 

            “No we don’t,” Rick argued, “It’s gonna be fine, Y/N.”

 

            “Can we not talk anymore?” you said, “I just wanna go home, okay?”

 

            The hardest thing in the world was telling everyone back home what had gone down last night. Some were terrified, others were just angry that Rick had gotten involved with another group’s business. And the rest were just too busy mourning Glenn to care about Rick’s decision making skills. After several stitches on your face, you secluded yourself in your bedroom while everyone prepared for Negan’s visit next week.

 

            You stared at your stitches in the mirror, your fingertips lightly touching the red, irritated skin surrounding the stitches. You had refused painkillers, forcing yourself to feel every bit of the pain. _I deserve to suffer. Why did I do something so stupid and reckless? A baby is growing up without a father because of me._

 

            There was a knock at your door and Rick entered, freshly showered and looking a lot calmer, “Y/N? I was gonna gather everyone at the church to talk about what’s going down.”

 

            “I already know,” you mumbled, “I was kinda there.”

 

            “Y/N please don’t push us away,” Rick said, “We’re still a family.”

 

            “And I got one of my family members killed,” you snapped, “I’m a piece of shit.”

 

            “No, you’re not,” Rick said, “Everyone’s asking about you, Y/N. They wanna make sure you’re okay.”

 

            You held back your tears, covering your eyes with your hands, “Please go, Rick. I can’t do this right now. Can you please just leave me alone? I’m begging you.”

 

            Rick sighed and he grabbed your hand. You let him hold your hand as nothing could take the feeling of his touch away. But you left your hand limp in his as he responded, “Alright, Y/N. Just know that I’ll be here when you’re ready, okay?”

 

            “Okay,” you grunted.

 

            “We’re gonna be alright, Y/N,” Rick said. He leaned in and quickly kissed your lips before hurrying to the door, “Just let me know when you’re ready, Y/N. I love you, always.”

 

            You gave Rick a smile that promised things would get better. Rick returned the smile and walked out, softly shutting the door behind him. You kept to yourself for the rest of the week, rejoining the group long enough to eat and prepare Negan’s payment. With everything that had gone wrong, at least your wound was healing properly. But it still ached and a part of you hoped that it would ache forever so you could never forget what you had done. Everything was up in the air now. Would any of you make it out alive? You all knew how far Negan was willing to go to drive a point home. What would happen if you ran out of supplies to give to Negan? You could all end up starving to death.

 

            There was one thing you did know for certain and that was Rick’s never ending love and support. Despite the coldness you sent his way this past week, he didn’t care. He still smiled at you and sometimes held your hand just to be close to you again. He was taking it slow, waiting for you just like he said he would. But then another question burned into your mind and it brought you to tears every single night. Did you deserve all this love?


End file.
